Hi guys, how are you all doing?
Sorry if this post is not interesting nor exciting whatsoever, but I just feel very uninspired today. And it’s saturday. And I’ve got nothing else planned.
Therefore, I hope you somewhat enjoy this, even though it’s pretty pointless and, honestly, pretty boring.
However, maybe this shouldn’t be like this, right? Maybe if I was enthusiastically writing about the dog I saw this morning, this post would be far better and more interesting. Maybe a stupid, happy post would be more entertaining than me simply dwelling in my own boredom and hopelessness, again.
As you can probably tell, depression has kicked again. My willingness to exist falls short these days and my heart cries out its loneliness every day. My soul feels heavy, my motivation seems to be gone. Same old, same old.
And I’m sad about this because I actually felt happy a few days ago. I hadn’t felt it for months, that small glimpse of light, and then boom- my mood crashed again and my soul felt suddenly heavy again. My inspiration disappeared, my energy vanished.
Nonetheless, I’m fighting, and, for once, I’m trying to take care of myself. I know I have to deal with these feelings and I’m fighting a hard battle (anorexia is a b*tch, let me tell you), so there’s no reason for me to not be compassionate with myself right now.
And also, perhaps, one day, things will get better. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to feel okay most of the time. Perhaps I’ll stop wanting to die once and for all.
Until then, I must learn to deal with my own thoughts and feelings and, more importantly, learn to appreciate e honor them- even if I feel like I absolute crap.
Because I deserve to love myself, and I deserve take care of myself.
Even if I don’t believe it yet.